gurgle


There's nothing quite like the sudden and total failure of your refridgerator to lend
some entirely unwelcome insight into certain aspects of your own character.

My Fridge's Contents


How embarrassing. A fridge full of condiments and no food.
(--Fight Club)


(n.b. there actually was a fair bit of food in it; that which was salvagable is now sitting in a box in my back yard, hoping that the new fridge shows up before either the temperature goes above freezing again or the local neighborhood critters discover it. But obviously the condiment collection is long overdue for some purging. Oh well, at least for once it's an appliance failure that is officially the landlord's problem, financially.)

Posted on Mar. 7th, 2003 at 10:13 pm | | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

Comments

[info]sunspiral

Ok, so the Game du Jour is seeing how many items in that picture are also found in my fridge. Hmmm, RealLime, RealLemon but in a different size bottle, is that Ken's Italian Dressing in the middle, and is that the obligatory bottle of capers there too?
Posted on Mar. 7th, 2003 07:53 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

[info]dr_memory

is that Ken's Italian Dressing in the middle

Wishbone, but close. :)

is that the obligatory bottle of capers there too?

There were actually, um, two of those; the other is obscured behind the seltzer bottle.

Oh god, there is now photographic evidence of me owning a jar of Kraft Pseudoparmesean Cheeze-like Sprinkle Stuff. The shame. I swear to god, there were not one but two different pieces of actual Reggiano (from different farms in parma, courtesy the brilliant bastards at Zingermans) in the meat drawer -- they're currently chilling in my vestibule.
Posted on Mar. 7th, 2003 08:11 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]chorus

Hey! I eat Kraft whatsis! It's a perfectly legitimate thing to shake on, like, garlic bread, and tomato soup, and cheap spaghetti dishes.

I'd be more ashamed about that yellow mustard, though. Though in your defence it appears you have some real mustard there as well.
Posted on Mar. 7th, 2003 08:41 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]dr_memory

See, I actually have the exact opposite belief: there is absolutely nothing that you might consider putting Kraft Cheese Dandruff on that would not be even better (usually much better) with actual reggiano grated onto it, whereas as wonderful a thing as real mustard is, there are a few things that really just require plain-old yellow mustard: primarily hot dogs and hamburgers.

Your mileage may vary.
Posted on Mar. 7th, 2003 08:45 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]chorus

Oh, hmm, well. I concede a real hot dog requires yellow mustard, though I've been known to eat them with Gulden's (and put ketchup on them, which is equally a sin). Although your definition of real hot dog and mine are probably different, so, uh. "real Chicago hot dog". So long as that's what you're putting it on, that's okay. I don't believe mustard belongs on burgers personally but I can live with the idea. I think I'd use Gulden's for that, too. (Gulden's or the generic equivalent is, obviously, my cheap mustard.)

But if you put yellow mustard on pastrami, I'm going to have to perform a mercy killing.

And, see, at the point that I'm eating Stouffer's spaghetti, I am already too lazy to be grating cheese. :)
Posted on Mar. 7th, 2003 08:54 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]dr_memory

There is exactly one place in the world where I will eat pastrami, and there's only one option they provide for mustard, and that's Guldens. :)
Posted on Mar. 7th, 2003 09:57 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]voltbang

Once you put ketchup on it, it's not a hot dog anymore. As for mustard on burgers, anything you can put chili on, you can put mustard on.
Posted on Mar. 8th, 2003 06:10 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]skreeky

Tell me that's not the same jar of Joyce Chen that was in the malfunctioning fridge at Forest Hills.

chilling in my vestibule
Now there's a misplaced song lyric if ever I heard one.

Posted on Mar. 7th, 2003 08:26 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

[info]dr_memory

Tell me that's not the same jar of Joyce Chen that was in the malfunctioning fridge at Forest Hills.

My answer is actually even more horrible than "yes":

"I don't know."

I'm told there are places where I can get help for this sort of thing.
Posted on Mar. 7th, 2003 08:41 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]cos

I have a different twist on that form of horror - condiments whose source I don't know. I've had three housemates and I may very well still have a condiment or two from the first one, back in 1996. eek. Fortunately, I don't have many - I do manage my own condiments fairly well. I just suck at identifying the ones left by ex-housemates when they move out.

I also still have a box of bullets. But there's no doubt which ex-housemate that came from :)
Posted on Mar. 8th, 2003 01:38 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]chorus

Hey... is the bottle of no doubt sparkling whatsis Asti by any chance?
Posted on Mar. 7th, 2003 08:44 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

[info]dr_memory

God help me

Okay, boredom and obsessive-compulsiveness produced...THE LIST.

N.B. this is only an inventory of what was on the table. More perishable items are outside, where I have no intention of getting them from until I have a working fridge again.



Fruit Jams/Preserves
Hafi "Swedish Lingonberry Preserve"
Wolfermans "California Peach Preserves"
Smuckers "Red Raspberry Preserves"
Sylvia Carr's home-made apricot preserves (a friend in SF, CA)

Salad Dressings
Maple Groves "Shitake with Roasted Garlic"
Wishbone "Robusto Italian"
a bottle of vinegar/olive oil/mustard/herb dressing I made by hand last year

Fizzy Stuff
Martinelli's "Gold Medal Cider" (nonalc)
Domenico "De Bertiol" sparkling white wine
Bel Normande "Raspberry/Grape Spritzer" (nonalc)

Wine/Alcohol
Michel Picard Merlot
Martini & Rossi Extra Dry Vermouth
Bailey's Irish Cream (airplane sampler bottle)

Salsas
Newman's Own Mild
Newman's Own Hot
Pace "Thick & Chunky Medium"
Paula's Salsa Nova "Roasted Red Jalepeno Pepper" (this stuff == badass)

Fruit Juice
RealLemon
RealLime

Pickle-Preserved
Paradise Spanish Olives (pitted)
Southwest Specialty "Ass-Kickin Pickled Garlic & Habeneros" (woof.)
Victoria "California Sicilian Olives"
Goya Cocktail Olives (pitted)
Goya Spanish Capers (x2)
Trader Joes' "Spicy Pickled Garlic"
Sclafni Jalepeno-Stuffed Olives
3X jars of serrano peppers pickled in vinegar from my grandmother's neighbor in Cincinnati

Hot Sauces
"Companion" Chili Sauce (Chinese brand version of "Toung Ot" below)
Sabra Salads "Original Yemenite Recipe Hot Pepper Mix"
Walker's Wood "Jamaican Jonkanoo Pepper Sauce" (x2)
Inner Beauty "Real Hot Sauce"
"Toung Ot Toi Viet-Nam" Chili Garlic Sauce (the scary stuff with the rooster logo)
Tabasco Sauce (x2)
Franks "Original Red Hot Sauce"
A bottle of "Laogamma" (brand? title? who knows?) sauce that Miranda brought back from China -- appears to be smoked/roasted Szechuan numbing peppers. Amazingly good.

Sweet/Dessert
Fox's "U-Bet Chocolate Syrup"
"Snickers Spread"
"Canada #1" maple syrup

Etc
Sommariva "Pate del Centa" (olive/anchovy paste I brought back from Rome)
"Cucina D'Italia" Olive Paste
B&G Hot Dog Relish
Krasdale "Classic Yellow Mustard"
Kraft "Original Barbecue Sauce"
Kraft "Spicy Cajun Barbecue Sauce"
Del Monte Ketchup
"Chef" Malt Vinegar
Stonewall Kitchen "Basil Pesto Mustard"
Pommery "Moutarde de Meaux" (grain mustard)
Guldens "Spicy Brown Mustard" (x2)
Kraft Cheese Dandruff (allegedly parmesean)
San-J Tamari Soy Sauce
Thai Kitchen "Thai BBQ Sauce"
Joyce Chen Hoisin Sauce
Trader Joe's "Thai Green Curry Sauce"
Jackie Chan "Bobo Tea" (canned tea)



Oh dear god. Now I've gone from being mildly embarrassed to terrified. Is there a Condiments Anonymous? Help?

Note for the record: 80% of this stuff is getting pitched, not placed back in the new fridge.
Posted on Mar. 7th, 2003 09:53 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

[info]chorus

Condiments Anonymous

I think they might be planning on breaknig off from OA.


Posted on Mar. 8th, 2003 12:02 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]voltbang

Re: God help me

You are an obsessive listmaking livejournaler!
On the other hand who am I to speak .


Moving is going to give me a great excuse to clean out the fridge and toss nearly everything. But I have to buy a supply of a few things I don't now if I'll be able to obtain in VA. Stubbs BBQ products mostly. Ok. Entirely.
Posted on Mar. 8th, 2003 06:24 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]scromp

Where the hell is the Kristal?
Posted on Mar. 8th, 2003 03:37 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]steanne

you can send the pommery thisaway. or just the jar.
Posted on Mar. 7th, 2003 10:05 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

[info]ratphooey

You are a freakish condiment freak.

I knew I liked you for a reason.
Posted on Mar. 7th, 2003 10:47 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

[info]eeblet

i just had a "brilliant" thought (which, as you probably know, is quite distinct from a brilliant thought) --- a condiment rubdown. I call dibs on the hot stuff.
Posted on Mar. 8th, 2003 09:10 am (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

[info]cos

Your brilliance shines like the light fixtures at Inkberry.
Posted on Mar. 8th, 2003 03:05 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]zeade

Pickles

We cleaned out the fridge not too long ago and we had seriously no explanation for some of our findings. Six jars of pickles. Five bottles of ketchup. Two vats of sauerkraut. My theory is the more duplicates of something you have the less often you're using it. So when an occasion comes up where you think I need sauerkraut for my sausage you (I) pick up the kraut with the along with the sausage, cause I mean come on, I doubt we'd have sauerkraut in the fridge. One forgets the half-life of refrigerated sauerkraut though is like 50 years.
Posted on Mar. 8th, 2003 03:48 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

[info]cos

Re: Pickles

A few months ago, cleaning up my kitchen after a housemate moved out, I found a tin of sardines in a nook, almost certainly left over from the people who lived here before me. That means the most recent it would be from is spring 1996. But... it's a tin of sardines! :)
Posted on Mar. 8th, 2003 03:56 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]zeade

*boggle*

Just looking through the fridge today I found three cans of Rediwhip, two bottles of ketchup, three jars of relish, two jars of pickles... The great condiment purge of aught-three happened just a couple months ago, too. I'm beginning to think that our fridge is a condiment underground railroad HQ (perhaps in collusion with Dr_M's failed fridge). Let a bottle of ketchup into your fridge and before you know it he'll be trying to sneak in three or four of his friends.
Posted on Mar. 9th, 2003 02:48 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]laurens10

Re: Pickles

Errr. Actually, that might (technically) be my can of sardines. My grandmother kept sending me sardines. I wasn't sure why.
Posted on Mar. 9th, 2003 07:05 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]cos

Re: Pickles

Wow, the things one finds out on LiveJournal! Though I'm not sure - it was deep in a nook of one of the lower kitchen cabinets.

Sardines, lamps, microwaves... what else did she keep sending? How many of the items whose source I can't identify lying around here, come from her, I wonder :)
Posted on Mar. 10th, 2003 03:56 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]laurens10

Re: Pickles

She also sent: windchimes, coats, tape recorders, and dishes. Lots of dishes....
Posted on Mar. 10th, 2003 07:45 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]creidylad

Man. You don't read LJ for three days. You miss all the fun stuff.
Posted on Mar. 11th, 2003 08:35 am (UTC) | | Thread | Reply
NYC

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